Somewhere, in the middle of the most reptilian part of my brain, I’ve got a notion of the Ideal House.

Most of the time, that notion is relatively well-behaved.  It realizes that I only have so many hours in each day, and that if I have any hope of ever finishing any project EVER, I’ve got to prioritize those projects.  (Sadly, I keep letting my job get in the way, but that’s another struggle for another day’s blogging.)  It waits patiently, and lets me coo little platitudes at it.  Things like don’t worry, I can create you one little bit at a time…, or if I just made some time to do this thing or that thing, then I’d be able to bring you to life…   My notion goes on with its notioning (whatever it is when notions do when you’re not actively working on them or with them) and I go on with the INSANE CRAZY THAT IS MY LIFE SOMETIMES.

Every now and again, though, my Notion gets all capitalized and uppity.  It refuses to sit quietly in the back like a star pupil, but instead becomes the village know-it-all and sits in the front lobe of my brain, waving its hand and grunting that IT KNOWS THE ANSWER!  PICK ME!  CALL ON MEEEEE!

Apparently, my Notions are seven years old, and well-read.

Anyway…

The holidays are a catalyst for my inner uppity Notion.  Add to the holiday idea that I just had a giant success at work.  Like, giant, giant.  Huge.  One that will mean a lot more money for my family.  A good thing, at least for a while.  So I have even less time to devote to this Notion Of An Ideal House than I did before.

Oooh, the Notion…   The Notion did not approve.  The Notion has been trying to catch up on her blog reading today, and has come away thinking that if I can just finish this gift for my in-laws, I could TOTALLY make a bunch of holiday ornaments, garlands, an advent calendar, pick up some festive lights and a real Christmas tree this year (we have only a small little 3′ thing that’s totally not in-scale with the rest of our house), and make all my holiday gifts.  And with my free time after that, I can read all those books I’ve been saving (and collecting.  let’s be honest here: my yarn stash is nothing compared with my book stash, which is hideously insane and almost obscene.), AND make a bunch of cookies to hand out.  Oh, and whip up some holiday cards with handwoven pins as the front image.

Um.

Notion?

YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE.

I’m back to the issue of Balance in my wifely pursuit now.  I waste a lot of time every day; I know this.  But I need that creative recharge time to, well, creatively recharge.  Or my brain implodes and I become one of those Scary People you see wandering the malls at closing time, staring blankly at anything with a price tag and trying to rationalize giving her mother-in-law a belt sander for Christmas because the sweater she was trying to knit for her just wasn’t happening.

I’ve been collecting Housewifery books for a while now, and all of them tell me that I need to put my home and marriage (and children, were there any) first, and worry about everything else second.  And I can see that.  I can see that there are major changes ahead if I continue on the course I’m on.  (In the new year?  I’m finally quitting smoking.  I bought the patch already.  I’m serious about it this time.  And I’m picking up a bike trainer.  If I can’t be back home in the Northwest, I can at least bike in my living room and pretend.  It’s time to do something about the fact my pants no longer fit.)

And I think the biggest change is going to be allocating my time more toward my uppity Notion.  Building my house the way I want it, to facilitate more Calm and Peace here (instead of “Chaos” and “Dog Hair Encrusted”, which it kind of emanates now.).  That means my job is going to be taking a bit of a backburner, in a sense, but in a way that will allow me to complete the essentials and still focus on Other Things.  (Right now, it’s all Job, literally all the time.  Soooo not working.)

Looks like I may have finally called on the smart kid in the back of the room.

I’m still not sure about the tree.  We’ll see.