Well, that kind of sucked.

The very second my husband went out of town, my voice started acting wonky. And since my other job requires my voice, I had a little bit of an inner squee, thinking that I’d have lots of time to work on the house. I mean, after all, you can’t have wife-guilt if you literally can’t do your job-for-pay, right?

Trouble is, the laryngitis came with some friends — fever and congestion — who were very bad houseguests and caused me to lie about, snuffly and whining, all by myself, for most of the duration my husband was gone.

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men, blah blah blah. Sigh.

However (!!), I did get one wall of the studio painted, which will probably eventually become a playroom for the kids if my ovaries would just stop with the nonsense, and I survived. There were days I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to, but the virus-laden bus that appears to have hit me also appears to have moved on to the next lucky recipient of it’s mucous-filled joy. Whew.

So I promised a couple of book reviews, and since I was down for the count when I should have been writing them, I figured I’d do those now, and take some pictures of the New Wall when I get some curtains sewn for the window. (This week. Or bust.)

(put behind a cut, since they got a little longer than intended…)

First, let’s start with the one that both miffed me and surprised me:

Yeah, that’s Dr. Laura. I know, I know.

Generally speaking, I have a little problem with the way that Dr. Laura has a problem with women. It’s always the woman’s fault — have you noticed that? I listened to her show once to keep me from falling asleep on the interstate, because a) it was the only thing that came in, and b) I knew if I was yelling at the radio, I wouldn’t be falling asleep. And since I made it to my destination without dying in a giant fireball, my theory appears to have worked.

Anyway, a friend gave me this when I said I was interested in books on being a better wife. I took it from her with two fingers, like it might well be contagious, and if I wasn’t careful, helmet hair and a permanent seat in the GOP were mine, just for owning it.

And yeah, it pissed me off. A large portion of it was self-congratulatory crap on her book, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” (as this is technically a companion workbook, from what I understand), another large portion was a heavy-handed bashing of feminists who, according to Laura, has poisoned us all and we’re all going to die confused and alone. You can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes right now. I really am.

I also didn’t really like how it implied that men were easily manipulable. Just follow her instructions, and watch your man suddenly bend to your will! Gag. Men have brains of their own, and women are much less contemptible than she likes to make them out to be. You may be responsible for everything in your own life, but when sh*t happens, sometimes it’s just because sh*t happens. Pardon the french. You get my drift.

Now, complaints aside, let me say this — I didn’t hate this book as much as I thought I would. I didn’t light it on fire or throw it off a moving bus. And I read it all the way through. There’s a part where she walks you through some questions to think about in regards to your own personal biases about men that’s really kind of interesting. (How many times have you said/thought/heard things like all a man wants is to get you naked…? Or thought that your man wouldn’t understand you because guys just don’t get feelings? Anything that makes you kind of sit up and think about the unconscious biases you have, especially ones that affect your marriage or your relationship to your kids, isn’t all bad.

I was also impressed with some of the changes that she suggests making in regards to how you treat your husband in order to “prove” that you’re serious about making things better. Even if you’ve got a great relationship, improvement’s always a good thing to stay open to, and I’ll admit that she gives some very concrete examples of small things you can do to help your relationship improve. With the divorce rate being so insanely high in this country, an attitude of constant improvement can’t do any harm.

Overall, I’d suggest getting it from the library before shelling out the cash, though it’s going for about 88 cents (US) from Amazon, used, so if you want to use the workbook-type-sections, that’s an option, too.

The second book was cute and amusing, and still managed to piss me off a bit, but I can overlook it:

Happy Housewives, by Darla Shine.  A name so cute, you know the book has to be good.

I read this just after finishing the first book that was given to me (by a different friend, no less — my friends *rule*.), and honestly, compared to that one, I would have considered the back of a cereal box to be better reading.  (The whole last section of Dr. L’s book is mostly letters she’s received from husbands, as are most of the chapter beginnings, and I was beginning to get a little sick of all the Dr. L Lovefesting.)

But this book?  Totally cute and totally helpful.

Now, before you run out and buy it, you need to know two things:

First, that Darla Shine is a wife with some means.  Like, money coming out her tail, means.  She admits that, though, and admits that a lot of people don’t have the kind of options that she has, and that, for her, having the kids raised by nannies while she sat around with her friends working on her suntan just wasn’t working.  (It was the impetus for her book.)  That perspective, though, of one with some cash to burn, does come through in some parts of the book, and might alienate readers who aren’t quite as well off.  But soldier on, it’s worth it, I think.

Second, she is sooo anti-feminist that it kind of hurts my heart a little bit.  I admit that the feminist perspective is one that confuses the crap out of me, since I have no idea what camp I even belong to at the moment.  I’m not a mom (yet), I’m not really even “just” a housewife, but I want to be.  But I also think that it’s my problem that I can’t figure that out, not a whole legion of women who are just as confused as I am, but on the other side of the mommy debates.  And I REALLY think that by hating on the other camp, all we’re doing is polarizing women into black and whites, and that’s helping nobody at all.

I don’t have the solution.  But I will say that when Darla started ranting about the feminists, I kind of wanted to kick her with my pointy-toed heels.  Just a little bit.  But I thought it prudent to warn you ahead of time, in case that kind of thing annoys you.

That said, I kind of love this book a little.  And I kind of love Darla a little.  And I kind of wish she lived nearby so I could rub her arm so that a little bit of the hot housewife that’s not even remotely desperate could rub off on me.  God knows I need help.

The subject headings sort of explain it all.  Chapters on whining (which I’m prone to do), being a housewife without looking like one, bonding with your home and getting back into the kitchen, making time for husband, friends, and yourself, and lots of great resources.  It covers all the basics in a relatively short book.  (Under 225 pages, actually.)

Darla’s also created the happy housewives club, which is an online resource with forums and info, but you have to have children to be in it.  (I sort of lied.  Not really, since we’re trying.  But I don’t have a zygote just yet.  So, yeah, I sort of lied.  It’s a good resource with supportive people, though.)  Go to http://www.darlashine.com for the link to that.

There are used copies of this over on Amazon, too, going for about two bucks.  Being on a budget might not make you Darla’s target audience, but you can at least get the book.

So there we have it.  The two I was given.  I’ve also got one that I haven’t read yet that’s more of a social examination of the wifely role, and until I come up with what my own role is, here, in my own particular marriage, I’m holding off on reading it, since I think I might just end up more confused.  (It’s The Meaning of Wife, by the way, if you’re interested.)

Got any favorite books or resources that don’t bash the crap out of feminists and blame them for all our problems?  I’d love to hear about them.  I’m always up for a good read.

Back to laying about and dabbing a very red nose with a soft tissue for a while.